Chapter 17- The End

"There are only two things certain in life, death and taxes." Benjamin Franklin once famously quoted. As our loved ones grow older, we begin to realize how little time that we will have left with them. Aaron talks in this chapter about the end of his mother's life. This chapter will hit home with just about anyone who reads it because we all have lost someone that we love. The passing of his mother reminds me of the passing of my grandfather ten years ago. My family and I had to watch my grandfather drift away slowly as Aaron had to watch his mother drift away. When we got the call that he was being checked into the hospital, my mother, father and sister all went up to visit him. I had to stay behind due to school and work, but planned to join them later on that evening by driving up to visit him. As I was about to leave to drive up to Atlanta, my father called me to let me know that  grandpa was being checked out of the facility to go home. I believed this to mean that he was doing well because my father told me it was not necessary to drive up to visit. So I stayed home. My grandfather passed two days later. This shocked me, not because I thought he was doing well, more because I never got the chance to say goodbye to him. From reading this chapter, Aaron got the chance to say goodbye, but I feel that he was sad that he could not be there when she finally passed. To this day regret the chance of never getting to see him one last time and tell him that I loved him. His last days were hard on the family, especially my grandmother who let her health become secondary to taking care of him. His passing was good because it ended his pain and suffering, but it was still sad and hard to lose him. At his funeral was one of only a handful of times that I can remember seeing my father cry. I know that he is in a better place now and hope the best for him.

Chapter 12- Adjusting to Orlando

The prospect of moving to a new area and having to adjust to the new area is one that is truly scary to me. I have lived my entire life in Orlando, having been born in Winter Park Memorial Hospital in Winter Park. I would like one day to move to Atlanta or some other area to "spread my wings." The problem is all the friends and family that I would leave behind here in Orlando. I know all the back roads, all the problem traffic areas, where the best food and shopping is. In about a month I will actually be taking a trip to southern California so I can compare our Disney and Universal to their parks. Aaron had to do his best to help his mother adjust to her new surroundings and tried to do so without being confrontational even though see did not take the move well and looked down upon Orlando as being backwater and without any semblance of culture. While I could take this as an insult to the city that I grew up in, we must respect the perspective of those around us. Aaron could see Orlando for what it really was and tried to convince his mother of this, but did not have much luck because it is hard sometimes to change the mind of people, especially senior citizens who sometimes can grow stubborn as they grow older. I can respect his point of view in trying to fix a problem or have the right answer to every problem. Unfortunately very few of us can fix every problem or have the answers to fix the problem. We must give space to our loved ones to let them fix their own problems and simply be there as a support system when they need us. I know that I am a proud person who likes to fix his own problems and am reluctant to ask for help until it truly is needed. Lastly I am scared to death of the day that I will have to place my parents into a living facility. My dad was my hero growing up, seemingly invincible with all the right answers. The day that I have to put him or my mother into a facility will break my heart, but nearly as much as the look on their faces when I break the news. I really took a lot way from this particular section and can really relate.

Chapter 7- When it's time to stop driving

We live and die with our cars in the U.S. The lack of good public transportation only adds to the problem. I do not know how I would operate if I did not have my car. I know though when I am driving down the road, sometimes the old folks driving down the road can be a bit annoying when they are driving about ten miles under the speed limit. The thing that we forget to think about is how much they depend on their transportation to retain their independence. Aaron talks about the time when it was time for his mother to stop driving. We live in the Orlando area and know what it is like drive around the constant lakes and rivers that can be found all across the area. Driving allows for the elderly to be able to take care of themselves and not have to depend on friends and family. When we lose the ability to be able to drive, it really does signal the closing of our lives. I can only imagine how it would feel to have to depend on friends and family to get around. My family has had to deal with this situation in regards to my grandmother Millican. She has had both of her hips replaced and has a hard time getting around on her own. Her eyesight has begun to fail her as she has grown older. The family and she finally came to the decision that it was time for her to stop driving. Luckily she lives with my two aunts who help take care of her and help drive her around the Atlanta area to places she needs to go like church and the grocery store. It was hard for me to see her stop driving because it truly signaled that she had grown old. I think it is upon the family of the elderly to protect not only their loved ones, but the others on the road. I had an Uncle who was badly rear-ended by an 83 year old man who had no business driving a vehicle. He plowed into my Uncle’s car at 70 miles an hour because he did not see his car stopped at a red light. My uncle lived but has severe back problems to this day because of this incident. Aaron gives good advice on how to deal with this situation and hopefully our elderly family members will realize when it’s time to give up the keys. 

Chapter 2-Some Lessons Learned in Dealing With an Aging Parent

I found this section quite interesting and how some of these lessons can really be applied to other age groups as well. I enjoyed how Aaron broke down the lessons that he learned while taking care of his aging mother and gave examples of how these lessons are helpful in dealing with an aging parent. One part that I found interesting dealt with listening to his mother and that would help calm her down and give her a feeling of worth. Sometimes just listening is the hardest job that a person has. I found that it applies to my job at Best Buy where I have to deal with upset customers on a daily basis. The ones that you simply take the time to listen to and let them air out their grievances tend to calm down more than the ones that you fail to just simply listen to what they have to say. I liked the part where he talks about instead of trying to do things for our aging parents that we give them space and allow them to do tasks on their own. I sometimes find myself wanting to do this for co workers, but when I let them do it on their own they have a greater sense of accomplishment and self worth. The aging parent has the same feeling. They are frustrated with the loss of independence and the ability to do accomplish tasks that advancing age has taken from them. This means giving them space to be own their own and do their own thing. The last thing that I liked was how Aaron "hired" someone to spend time with his mother that could keep her company while he or his wife were busy with their lives. I know that one of the biggest concerns for the elderly is loneliness and having relationships makes life more worth living. I can apply that to myself quite easily. Without having strong relationships with my family and friends, I would have an empty hole and no one to talk to. I love having good friends and parents who will always be there for me during the best and of times and more importantly the worst of times.

Chapter 1- Introduction

I found the beginning of this novel quite interesting, especially in talking about the religious upbringing. I was not raised in a religious environment and always thought the idea of having to grow up in a religious household to be one of parents being very strict and unforgiving. I liked the idea that Aaron's mom wanted him to learn about his heritage and grow up understanding where his family came from and about their beliefs. When we are kids we do not realize that our parents probably had the same feelings that we did and had the similar resentments towards their parents. It is not till we grow older that we understand what our parents are trying to instill in us and how it will apply to life. I know that a lot of the lessons I learned in grade school, while at the time were quite annoying, could be used later in life. I remember muttering to myself, "I am never going to use this stuff." While knowing the capitals of all the states has not helped me in life (with the exception of the occasional trivia game), I did take away a lot from what I learned when I was younger. It was not till I was older that I really understood why we took art classes, music classes, math classes, English classes and science classes. It gives you an appreciation of the arts and an understanding of life. It was nice to get the insight to a religious upbringing and allows me to better understand my girlfriend who is Jewish and had a similar upbringing that Aaron was "forced" to endure. I always thought that she took it a little too serious at times, now I know why. Her family and religious leaders in a sense drilled these beliefs into her and she now follows these beliefs. I relate to the mother's persistence that he learn music and Hebrew, it's amazing how much my mother was persistent in her own ways of making me eat vegetables at the dinner table (thank goodness my sister loved vegetables or I might still be at the dinner table starring at that squash dish). I really looked back at my childhood and relate to it now just like Aaron does and realize how much we under-appreciate what we learn and really how we fail to understand it's this knowledge that our parents truly understand how it will help us later in life. We tend to forget our parents were kids too.